learn & love: single by design


Today, I found this amazing blog post by relationship expert, Chey B. on being “Single By Design.” I hope you learn and love as much as I did.

Single By Design
by Chey B.

Before you can be a couple, you first have to be single! If being a couple doesn’t work out, you will be right back where you started… single! There’s no way of getting out of being single from the start, but the way you live your single life will certainly have an impact on the quality of your relationship with someone in the end. When you’re a couple, there are “two” people to consider; when you’re single, there’s only you to consider, however, your consideration for others (while single) is an essential key to attracting a quality mate.

Your physical appearance will get people to come, but the heart behind your outer beauty is what will get a person to stay. Add substance to your relationship by being a person who has substance. Being single will allow you the space and opportunity to focus on who’s most important in your life (you)! Once your life, health, and strength is gone, you are gone, so put “you” at the top of your list of priorities before any other person. It’s ok to love others endlessly, but never put an end to loving yourself.

God is love! A relationship without love is a relationship that is destined for failure. Love is the moral fiber that keeps a relationship together, so if love has not been added, whatever is hindering love’s presence should be subtracted. When your relationship is guided by love, you’ll be able to discern who is right from who is wrong for your life. It’s not difficult to tell when a person loves you and when they don’t, you simply have to acknowledge and respect the signs. Give it a test run on yourself; begin to do things out of love (for yourself) and then use yourself as the standard for which you will allow others to treat you.

With any and every relationship, there has to be an end goal in mind, and when it comes to being single, the end goal for you should be finding love and happiness inside of you and having the ability to share it with others. If love and happiness can be found inside of you, you’ll never go a day without it. Having this independence puts you in preparation to live a happy, healthy single life until you are ready for something more! The idea is for you to continue to grow as a person, and as a people, so once you’ve found love inside of you, don’t be selfish, spread it to someone else!

We often times go into relationships simply as a safety net or a comfort zone; relying heavily on our partner to deliver what we should’ve already been handling. Jumping into a relationship that you’re not ready for is a disaster waiting to happen because there’s no end goal in mind; the focus is merely on the right here and the right now. There will be more to eat when everyone brings something to the table. If your heart is empty, and you’re looking to be filled by your partner, that leaves you full from what your partner is giving, meanwhile your partner is empty because you’re not equally reciprocating. It’s difficult to give out something you are without.

Before you start worrying about who/when/where/why/how you’re going to meet the love of your life… BE the love of your life. The idea is to find a “match”; your match will be the person who loves you in the way that you love you and beyond. With this in mind, you want to build yourself up to becoming someone who is worth loving, worth having, and worth keeping. We all have a past, and there’s nothing we can do to change it. Our past is who we were not who we are; who we are is the person we’ve become after experiencing our past. With this in mind, don’t hesitate to totally re-invent yourself and present yourself not as you were, but who you aspire to be.


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